I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
