Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
