no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is wine microwaveable?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
