His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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