You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
