I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
