is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
