i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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