do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
