I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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