Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and she was petting her beer can
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
God, I missed his penis.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
