Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
