New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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