JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
