I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
