yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
