Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
