I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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