i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
