Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize