you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
