i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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