Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
