Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize