i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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