Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
