Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
