My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize