OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
