she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
