i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
