it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize