just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
