i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
