I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Actions speak louder than pants.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
