Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize