Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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