gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
