today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
