it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
