My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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