I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
