is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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