I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Two words: nipple clamps
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