Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
