it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
