According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
