Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
