you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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