we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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