Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
