i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
