Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
