we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
