dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
