I need to stop coming to work sober
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
