Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
