i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
