He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
