Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
