the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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