just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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