she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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