From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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