you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
