fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
