just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
All the doctor said was why
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
