I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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