wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
