Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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